Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Gonna Fly Now

Feeling like Sly in Rocky II, but looking more like Eddy The Eagle I have just started jogging for the first time in what 20 years. Fitness is not an ap. And it's painful. I'm a 14 1/2 stone slob that desperately needs to get in shape for the Sahara next month. After the first 20 minutes I felt fine, then stopped for a pedestrian crossing and nearly keeled over (I always wondered why the keen always jog on the spot at such moments). I'm trying to think Zola Bud light feet, but my duck feet FLAP-FLAP-FLAP on the tarmac. Deus will you please design a male sports bra for the middle aged 'athlete'? My boinging moobs are giving me back ache. BP
UPDATE:
the elastic in my beloved 80s Adidas tracky-bums has burst, so now they're held up with oversized braces, and the look has tipped dangerously toward "Rock On Tommy" Bobby Ball.

11 comments:

Sideburn Magazine said...

Best post evs. Laughing so much my own muffin-top is jiggling.
Keep flap-flap-flapping Comrade! GI

747 said...

I know the bouncing feeling all to well!

Dr-Ogo said...

BP, you are my new / old hero....

Stevie Coles said...

at least your colour co-ordinated ben!!.

Russ104 said...

What you need is one of those compression type shirts. They're supposed to be wicking, aid recovery, blah, blah, whatever. What I do know is they help dampen everything from bouncing around like the opening of On Any Sunday. Just don't tell anyone I told you.

Dingle Berry said...

What do you look like? hahaha! Looks as if you've run straight out of the 70s. At least you have spared us by not wearing those polyester shorts with the high rise bit at the side, or is that to come? Good luck with the running. It will get easier and more enjoyable. I really need to get fit as well but I simply can't be bothered.

Pat Riot said...

Do scales in England actually read your weight in stone, or do you convert (from Kg or Lbs)?

Is this some type of polite thing such that the person to whom you are speaking cannot immediately calculate your girth (wait, divide by 14, carry the one...)? I know you lot are attached to anachronism.

This is an honest question, I am a curious clueless Yank.

Sideburn Magazine said...

Yes Pat,
I'm sure 'stones' was invented by a polite English caveman - & Yes its still the most common & 'normal' way to refer to ones fellow countryman's FATness. Bathroom scales even have 'St' marked numbering.

14 1/2 stone (14 massive boulders & medium size pebble in olde English)= 95kg European
or 209 Lbs 7.0267oz American

Hairy Larry said...

209 lbs. is the new 175...for guys that are 'seven' feet tall, now I can have fun confusing the people I work with...telling them I'm at 14 and a half stone...

Kirk said...

But you have a sort of innate athleticism hiding in there behind the fluro gear Ben, just keep thinking 'Gettting Stronnnnger......' Personally I will consider the laugh I had at this my workout of the day so thanks.

Phil Lavier said...

You have just given me the kickstart that I need !
I to am a middle aged potato, that has entered the Battle Royale 2 indoor oval cycle race. Less than a month to go now. I thank you.