Getting it up

This just in (no, OK, we admit it got lost down the back of the mustard leatherette Sideburn settee for a while) from James in France.

Hello Sideburn,
Thought I'd share some photos taken at a local hillclimbing event held annually deep in the Pyreneen Mountains. Most competitors were going with the dragster/enduro aesthetic with a touch of nitrous oxide to help them along, whilst silencers seem out of favour with this lot...

Four cylinders too many? Then chop one off.

Chainsaw starter, French lass.

These guys from Holland were serious contenders, finishing second overall. Couldn't help wondering where they practise.

This blown four scattered its engine all across the mountains

 on its last run.

The hill

Off-topic Sunday

Kirk Gee in LA has previous with this blog, usually involving sending us links to barmy videos. His taste for the odd is impeccable and he never disappoints. Here's a recent exchange between Kirk and GI.

KG: Here's some footage I shot at the Dirt Quake campsite. How you keep that suit so white is beyond me Gary.

GI: If smartphone technology wasn't invented to watch crackers Bollywood dance moves while half-cut in a Milwaukee hotel, then I don't know what it's for. Thanks Kirk, the spring is back in my step. Viva YouTube.

Take it away, Shashi Kapoor (playing a very plausible Gary Inman). By the way, if you fancy watching the whole two and a half hours of  Pyar Ka Mausam, it's out there on YouTube. MP

2000ft over the canyon… but 6 inches UNDER the media radar.

Earlier this week we posted about the recreation of Evel Knievel’s Snake River Canyon jump, well, Eddie Braun successfully ‘jumped’ over the infamous 1400 ft canyon.

The launch was scheduled for today, September 17^th….but the EVEL SPIRIT team opted to do it yesterday, possibly because of better weather conditions. There seemed to be virtually no crowd watching.

It looked like a textbook exercise and everybody is smiling. Hats off to the team but this is possibly one of the most under-publicised events in recent history. I don’t know why this newsworthy event failed to get any media coverage. It was rather badly covered by a local TV news crew and (so far) captured with a couple of quite frankly, terrible amateur Youtube clips. I sincerely hope that this occasion has been properly documented.  

I acknowledge that times have maybe changed and everybody these days is ‘Extremed-Out’ but I can’t help but think that this just shows what a showman and entrepreneur Knievel was. Always able to ‘Bring the Circus to town’ in what seemed an effortless and flamboyant way, hawking his stunts on a global scale.

I read that Braun Spent $1.5 million of his own money to make this happen. Perhaps the EVEL SPIRIT team invested all their combined resources and energy into the mechanics of making a successful jump, maybe overlooking the pre-event publicity and build up. Or maybe the mainstream media just don’t care about an ongoing 42-year-old story. Either way, it seems criminal that this wasn’t presented ‘live’ on satellite TV and it didn’t make ‘News at Ten’. I found a picture of a tattoo belonging to an English chap who made the pilgrimage to Twin Falls Idaho to witness the jump. Ironically, this tattoo could possibly make a bigger internet splash than the jump itself.

In other news it seems Rocket Sky-Cycles are just like buses…you wait 42 years for one and then two turn up together. Apparently, on October 18^th , self-taught rocket scientist ‘Mad Mike Hughes’ will climb aboard his own version of Evel Knievel’s X-2 Sky-Cycle and endeavour to jump over the ghost town of Amboy in California. You couldn’t make it up!

Dave Skooter Farm

All photos: AP

Never Go Back: Snake River Canyon

Dave Skooter Farm reports...

In this modern age, there seems to be an insatiable quest to revisit the good old days. The ‘rebooting’ of classic movies, old bands you thought you would never, ever get to see, reforming and long-discontinued chocolate bars once again available in the newsagents. However, maybe some things should be left in the nostalgic mind’s eye.

On September 17th 2016, as tribute to his childhood idol Evel Knievel, Hollywood stuntman Eddie Bruan will attempt to recreate Evel’s 1974 career highpoint (pun intended) and jump the Snake River Canyon in Twin Falls, Idaho. Regular readers of Sideblog won’t need me to point out how Knievel’s effort played out.

Bruan will be piloting an exact replica of EK’s ‘X-2 Sky-Cycle’ built to vintage blue-prints belonging to the builder of the original, NASA rocket scientist Bob Truax. The new version of the Sky-Cycle has been co-built by the late Bob Truax’s son, Scott. The craft has been christened ‘Evel Spirit’

Just like Evel’s ‘bike’, it’s steam-powered. 

Steam is superheated to precise temperature and pressure and when released, produces 6,000 pounds of thrust and 10,000 Horsepower! Expected maximum speed is in excess of 400 mph in 3.0 seconds with a calculated altitude of 3,000 feet. 

In keeping with exact specifications of Evel's X2 Sky-cycle, all of that temperature and pressure is being held in the rocket by THE LID OF A DOG-FOOD CAN!

'Evel used it—so we're using it! That's right, we actually cut off the tops of dog food cans (just like Evel did) and place the lid inside the rocket engine to keep all the pressure at bay until we are ready to release it!' 

For some reason, live spectators at the launch site have been limited to 500 people. We could speculate that it may have something to do with Evel (above) leaving behind a trail of unpaid bills with vendors and the local services his team used during their stay 42 years ago. A city councillor in Twin Falls said the town was wiser about what to expect from a daredevil attempting to jump their canyon.

Happy landings to the ‘Evel Spirit’ team.

Dave Skooter Farm

(Above) This post's author, Dave Skooter Farm, with the original Sky-Cycle in 1999. It prompted me to ask, 'Where was the photo of you taken? And why do you look like you’ve just taken one to the nuts?'

Dave replied, 'Daytona Bike week 1999, Met Evel that day too. Can’t explain why I’m in that position….soz'

Wall of Death!

This makes my knees go weak. Properly crackers. G

The Caspian Sea Monster

Off-topic Sunday time, because this is just too bonkers not to share.

During some research for a book I'm writing the word 'ekranoplan' came up. It's the Russian for ground force and was mentioned in reference to the radical aircraft, the KM, of 1966. This enormous mutant aircraft was designed to be too heavy to fly conventionally, but could carry huge loads, much bigger than conventional cargo planes of the day, because it used the pressure of ground force to keep it above the surface of the sea. It was the world's largest plane for it's whole lifespan, and only bettered by the Antonov AN-225 Mriya, an enormous, but regular aircraft that first flew in 1988.

US spy planes spotted it being tested on the Caspian Sea and gave it the nickname, Caspian Sea Monster. It wasn't the only Soviet ekranoplan, but it is the most incredible. Later iterations showed it laden with, and using, top-mounted missile launchers. It seems the monster crashed due to pilot error in 1980 and sunk without chance of retrieval. More recently Boeing were toying with GEV, ground effect vehicles, with the Pelican ULTRA, a not to distant relative of the KM, that never progressed beyond the drawing board. G

Ohio State University Marching Band

Seriously off-topic Sunday... More motorbikes coming soon.

I've always wondered why American football has such a following with our Trans-Atlantic cousins, but nowhere else. Now I have the answer - the spectators are all hoping a marching band with one-tenth the skill and imagination of the OSU's brigade will be there to create some pre-match magic.

If you can watch this without whispering an oath and finally conceding that, Yes, there must be a God (of whichever domination you are currently leaning towards), because this level of beauty cannot just occur through random cosmic coincidences. This must be the work of a higher power.

From this unblinking eye in the sky camera angle (God's own GoPro?) the OSU MB (as I've taken to calling them) look like how I imagined a flea's circus would look, when I first heard the phrase as a small boy.

Pay special attention to the guy/girl? (it is a guy, I found out later) in the redcoat, who begins in the centre circle. He is the Drum Major and moves in the most cartoonish manner, knowing he needs to put a show on, not just for the VIPs, but also the family from Knockemstiff, Ohio who have tickets for row ZZ, seats 8736 through to 8741 inclusive, and are closer to the rings of Saturn than they are the centre of the pitch.

If, like me, you are mesmerised by the Drum Major you won't rest until you've found out more. Fortunately I've wasted spent time wisely, done some digging and there is a short clip showcasing the talents and focus gone into the OSU MB's various drum major's showmanship. Watch the clip below, paying special attention at 2:29 when he throws his baton two metres to the left and it bounces back to his hand. like magic! I was dumbfounded.

I'm unfamiliar with either American universities or US field sports, so it strikes me as remarkably peculiar to see such a mixture of extremely camp dress and behaviour mixed with chest-beating machismo and military levels of discipline and uniformity. It's like the lid of a 1970s Quality Street tin was sent to join the South Korean military.
Also watch the physics defying back back dip. Enjoy! G

Deep Space Deviants On Britain's Got Talent: TONIGHT

This frankly preposterous news, about Dirt Quake's clueless compere, has just reached us from Wigan...

It's a Swindle! 
Spanner-In-The-Works, Subvert-Semi-Finalists on BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT. 
Anybody that knows me and my close circle of friends will acknowledge what we stand for. Most importantly, pick up the phone and vote DEEP-SPACE DEVIANTS when the moment arrives... Thanks in advance for your support.

Leonardo's Red Carpet Rampage

You might have missed it, but it became a big deal that Leonardo Di Caprio, not content with painting the Mona Lisa, had been nominated for a bunch of Oscars going back 23 years and had never won. So, in the run up to this year's Academy Awards, UK animation company The Line Animation, created the Red Carpet Rampage game. Click here to play, Red Carpet Rampage, with bonus Quaalude overdose levels.

The Line Animation also made the wonderful, Amaro and Walden's Joyride. G

Dave Ros vs Saturday Night

Yes, it really happened. His wisecracks at the end, not shown on this clip, were solid gold. You can find them on the Britain's Got Talent site if you have nothing better to do (or a nine-year-old daughter to help you).
He got through, that means there is more Dave Ros to come on primetime TV soon.
Remember, he will be playing with his band, The Deep Space Deviants, in Wigan, tomorrow night at Dave Skooter Farm's birthday bash. Scroll back a few posts for more details. G

Dave Ros invades Britain's Got Talent

We have just picked up this barely believable transmission from a parallel universe...

'DAVE ROS, everybody’s favourite Rubber-Wheeled-Space-Alien Leader, is going to be on Britain's Got Talent TOMORROW night.'

If that doesn't get an almighty 'WTF!' out of you, I'm not sure what will. Dave Ros debuted at Dirt Quake II, then reappeared, like Haley's Comet, for III and the unforgettable DQ IV. Now he has infiltrated the biggest Saturday night TV show since Morecambe & Wise.

Also, Dave Ros and his band DEEP-SPACE DEVIANTS are playing what could very well be their last low-key gig at Dave Skooter Farm's birthday get together at the Bailiff Bar, Wigan on Wed 11 May. You'd be a total Sontaran to miss it.

Also on the bill is SEX-CRIME, Cecilia’s Synth-Punk band from Portland, Oregon, USA. G

Japanese virtual horse racing

Just because. MP

Les and his wooden balls

Maxxis, take note. Whatever happened to Les and his balls-out Douglas DT? MP

Lead suited and booted

'Put on the suit and get on the bike.'

'But pa..'

'Get. On. The. BIKE!'

From Mechanix Illustrated, March 1952 and culled from the entertaining Modern Mechanix blog. Don't miss the Transparent Face Mask. MP

Cracking stuff

I remember when I first shook hands with the great Phil Read I was surprised at how it felt like clutching a fistful of jumbled chicken bones. One of the few other sports that can compare to motorcycle racing for knackering your fingers is cricket. Full story on David Morrison's messy digits is in the archives of Metro. MP

Tour de France x Synchornised Swimming

More evidence has emerged, this time on the official YouTube feed of cycling sports' governing body, the UCI, that most branches of cyclo sport are best enjoyed, or at least conceived, while on drugs. G

Kes, Chicken Tikka Dinner by Vic and Bob

The original classic 1969 film of Kes by Ken Loach, based on the novel A Kestrel for a Knave, by the Barry Hines. BP

BMW Kneeler

This silver ingot was one of the many nutty bikes at the Westonzoyland sprint I went to a few weeks back. Held on a former WWII airfield, organised by the NSA. A great event. Young lasses and very, very old blokes alike, beating the crap out of equally modern and ancient machinery. Unlike the roped-off Pendine sands vintage hot rod sprint, the laid back set up in Somerset allows for an eyebrow contorting sense of speed. And the pits are very much open so you are welcome to chat with the crazies who are daring enough to keep this sport alive. BP

This R100/7 (I think?) was designed as a hill-climber so the third wheel steers too, to enable quicker cornering on mountain circuits. A basic linkage runs over the chair.

Squirrel Hoarder

Whilst building my BMW R100R I wondered why nuts kept appearing on shed floor, I also found starting difficult and when eventually running it was very choked, on removing airbox cover I realised the nutty problem of a squirrel having stashed his stolen bird food from a shed in Capel Curig. Talk about alternative fuels, eat your heart out Ethanol additives etc....
I bet the squirrel was really pissed off and is still hunting me down on a mission scouring Welsh mountain tops and forests like a Squirrel Rambo.
Capt Simon

TV Eats Itself

Way off topic warning. But remember, if you want pure, unadulterated Sideburn motorcycle coverage, you simply need to buy the magazine. You keep buying it, we'll keep making it. Pick a cover from those on the side that catches your eye and fill your boots.

So, back in the early-2000s, acerbic newspaper columnist, turned TV series writer, Charlie Brooker (a big favourite of mine) wrote a website called TV Go Home. It was a fictional TV listings magazine (like Radio Times or TV Times) but all the shows were preposterous often cynical mash-ups reflecting the increasingly desperate formats of shows filling up the expanded UK schedules (until the 1982, the UK only had three TV channels, now we have nearly 500).

TV Go Home's short descriptions were, and remain, hilarious, but now British shows are making TV Go Home seem like the minutes of a sober brainstorming session in a TV production company. Example 1:

Singing in the Rainforest
Send seminal Madchester band to the Panama rainforest to perform in the baking sun and see how the local tribe react.

For real.

I didn't see the programme, but it looks oddly heartwarming from this trailer and I've always liked the Mondays. G