Action Man Gripping Hands

This morning, nearly a week after stepping off the saddle, my hands still feel like rubbery, lifeless, Action Man™ gripping hands, only good for loosely holding a plastic Sten gun. Ross RootBeerBobber, took his Madame Tussauds-style hands to the physio as he's only capable of a pathetic Vulcan salute, and was told there is no remedy.

Next time I'll add a hand grip exerciser to my pre-adventure exercise regime. BP

Scaramanga, The Jogger With 3 Knees

This fitness malarkey is a joke. My body is falling apart. I don't preen my knees daily, so it was a bit of a shock on the 15th day of jogging to discover I had developed a 3rd knee. No Joke. Even the Doctor was Googling Synovial Effusion for more info. There are some gross DIY remedies on Youtube whereby you syringe out the excess gunk. I'm not man enough for home surgery so have booked a professional to do the job - just two days before leaving for my Sahara adventure. So in the meantime, before I leave in a week, I'm confined to kitchen floor exercises.

But in good news this week, somewhere I've lost 1 whole kilo / small pebble! This is as close as I'll ever get to a six-pack. BP

Day 13

Day 13 of my regime, and no stones, or even single pebble, have been lost. Disappointing, considering that's plodding every day except Sunday and the last two days as Man Flu has grounded me.

Blogging hours traded for jogging miles have not given me healthy enlightenment, although I should feel slightly self righteous. I'm certain that I've gone down a cup size from an E to a double D. My wife says I 'look' slimmer.

Then I thought running to up-tempo music might up my RPM and increase calorie burn. It sort of worked for 20 minutes but made me want to puke, and I don't like going to discos in daylight hours anyway.
Seeing as this is all in aid of a Sahara adventure, it makes sense to better replicate the stifling atmospheric conditions with a fur lined coat and my new Barstow 100% goggles. Combined with the oversize DJ headphones, I look like a weekender bender escapee. Jog on. BP

Gonna Fly Now

Feeling like Sly in Rocky II, but looking more like Eddy The Eagle I have just started jogging for the first time in what 20 years. Fitness is not an ap. And it's painful. I'm a 14 1/2 stone slob that desperately needs to get in shape for the Sahara next month. After the first 20 minutes I felt fine, then stopped for a pedestrian crossing and nearly keeled over (I always wondered why the keen always jog on the spot at such moments). I'm trying to think Zola Bud light feet, but my duck feet FLAP-FLAP-FLAP on the tarmac. Deus will you please design a male sports bra for the middle aged 'athlete'? My boinging moobs are giving me back ache. BP

UPDATE:
the elastic in my beloved 80s Adidas tracky-bums has burst, so now they're held up with oversized braces, and the look has tipped dangerously toward "Rock On Tommy" Bobby Ball.