Firm Hold

So your day job is skirmishing with modern day pirates on the high seas. You are more versatile than Harry Houdini, in wriggling out of sticky situations. You raced your Yamaha XS750 chop at Dirt Quake II (wearing a Men in Black suit). You obviously tackle adversity with relish. But when your tubeless tyre gets smacked off the rim in a pothole in the middle of nowhere, how do you get home eh clever clogs?
Mike had been riding in the thick of 50 motorbikes on the Mud Crab ride-out in the glorious Peak District, but had dropped to the back of the pack so as to do some filming when BANG! his front end disappeared and the Astralite front rim took a big dent. He found himself shipwrecked.
Being the enterprising visionary sort, he walked to the nearest shop. Bought a can of Pantene firm-hold hair spray (it's not something he normally carries in his man-bag). Doused the the gap between crudely undented rim and tyre bead and then set fire to it. POOF! the tyre exploded back on to the rim and he rode off into the sunset on his next adventure. BP

Template

In Shedland CNC does not stand for Computer Numerical Control, but rather Cardboard Near-enough Calibrated. Corrugated cardboard is not recommended for templates, do yourself a favor and step up to Corn Flakes box grade. BP

Broom-Tech

Even more simple, demanding less brute force, and lighter weight, than scaffold tube this 'tool' should not be underestimated. I don't believe there is anything in a magic Snap-on van that could do this job any better... In preparation for last year's Dirt Quake I swopped my chop's original 1979 XS650SE fork legs with its 6" over 35mm stanchions, for Honda CB750F legs (also 1979) with standard(ish) length Marzocchi stanchions (also 35mm) concocted for me by Co-Built's mate, Lee . I was very happy with the new lower look and "If it looks right, it will work right" - right? sadly not this time. On the banked corners of the Coventry track I got away with it, but out on the road the frame rails and silencer grind out and dangerously threaten to have me off like a violent binge drinker.photo Lee Vincent Grubb

As the old XS forks were shagged I tried to find replacement long CB stanchions. Calling upon the usual internet gods drew a blank. It seemed like the only option would be to have them custom made in the States by Forking by Frank. Alternatively, MikesXS also in the States does sell very reasonably priced 2", 4" and 6" over-standard XS tubes, but shipping would be a bit of a stinger and this is a shoe-string bike. Then Pete Eat The Rich gave me the (untested by him) name of Philpots in Dunstable who specialize in hard chrome. Visiting the facility I was more than convinced their refurb technique - 20 hours in the electrolysis tank versus the 20 minute dunk the original factory items received. We shall see...

Stripping my old forks down, the horrors were worse than predicted. The former owner had used galvanized metal tubes as a long spacers instead of the usual known chopper fork bodge of PVC pipe. Although the innards were sloshing in oil the spacers were totally rusty and had contaminated everything. The seals required a blow-torch, a tyre-lever and a foul mouth to eject. The main fork springs were rusted to the inside walls of the stanchions. But luckily I had an old witches broomstick to hand. After some hefty WALLOPS with a rubberized lump hammer and a little swearing, the bastids came out. BP

Any Old Iron

Not available from Snap-On. Here (via DSC) the Kawasaki WSB team use a length of galvanized scaffold pole to straighten out the back-end on one of their ZXRs - an art they robbed off Skooter Farm. BP

The Japanese Patient

STOP 'n' Go, is as important as Show 'n' Go, but Drogo's pretty XS650 wasn't even slowing down without the aid of a hill. No fault of it's recent rebuild, those single sided 1 pot calipers are about as useful as a wooden anchor. Does anybody out there have an immaculate XS-1? Were the brakes shite as standard? The fork leg lugs suggest this 1978 bike would have originally had twin front brakes, so who ever junked one along the way hadn't helped.
During a lunch-break from editing ROOSTER, I casually said I would check out his bleeding banjo, and ended up stripping the caliper. But as Drogo's toolkit comprised of a selection more useless than that of my Aunt's kitchen draw, human knees (wearing best up-town trousers) were used as a vice, fingers as spanners, and much swearing acted (but failed) as penetrating oil. We bought some transparent rubber aquarium tubing from the pet shop and I sucked at the Dot4 like it was snake venom after failing to get the bastard to bleed in the usual manner - is brake fluid the worst taste on the planet? Even a high-pressure airgun failed to fire out the seized piston.
It's demoralizing to be beaten by hypercondriac motorcycles, but here was a case for out with the olde and in with the new, so I recommended an up-grade to 4 pot gold Brembos as fitted to Ducatis throughout the 90s and 00s. But a modern Yamaha R6 caliper seemed like a more obvious; and probably cheaper, choice, so Drogo bid for one on eBay. Sods Law, there was zero clearance due to the wire wheels. Balls. So back to eBAy and a 2006 Ducati Monster 4 pot Brembo that does have clearance - and with a simple chunk of tailor-made aluminium as an adaptor, fit, but...

D: Cocking hell, the Brembo fits like a glove, loads of room between rear of caliper and spokes, trouble is it fits like a kids glove on an adult hand! Bloody ancient Yam disc is 3mm thicker than modern discs....So now I have to change the disc as well....but the alignment of the bolt holes will be guaranteed Not to match that of the Yam hub...WILL THIS NEVER END?!

B: Yes but in a galaxy (not so very) far away...How about skiming the Yam disc? It's thick plain steel, you could safely skim a milimeter off each face and you'll end up with a better braking surface than even modern stainless-steel. True to their 70s origin they are chromed, which has the grip of a frying pan. People laugh at my Guzzi discs that rust even if the sky is just overcast, but they have great stopping power.

And this is the result. BPD: Ben I've an idea for another film, well more like a day time TV teleplay...
So, two main characters, Dr Ogo: Nigerian gynecologist (gay, played straight). A bombastic self promoting moron, oft mistaken for the real deal. However he is a retard and unable to perform the simplest of tasks......
Nurse Ben: quiet genius (straight, played gay) who forever saves the day by steadying the ship and making sound, practical suggestions.....

Which is all a roundabout way of saying thank you for the nursing the Japanese patient back to life with your wise words.... 0.5mm skimmed off both faces of the disk, original Cyberman master cylinder updated to a Yamaha Fazer one. It stops like a progressive lover the moment I have just the thought of stopping, let alone go pulling levers!
Cheers man
Drogo

Mixed-Race Marriage

Ingenuity is magic. And f you can marry a petrol tank from one of the most ridiculed bikes; the Honda Superdream, to one of the most kool, the H-D Shovelhead, then you are a sorcerer. This wonderfully perverse marriage was arranged by Kustom Garage in Pesaro, Italy.They also did the amazingly sparkly paint job on latest Zaeta we had on the Sideburn stand at Verona, so their H-D Nuovo-Progetto Racer will most likely be getting a luscious paint job too. Shame really, I've got a thing about up-market bikes with original badge shitter tanks. BP

Megatron Tank

Do you feel increasingly threatened by haughty SUVs? Riding a motorcycle there is virtually no protection, only evasive action. If you are bored of being rush-hour schnitzel, you could try a 5 ton Megatron tank created by jiang chen and yang junlin's Wing Wah metalcraft factory in Huizhou, China. BP
Thanks to Kay for the tip

Axminster Hot-Shoe

Invisible from the air with its grass covered roof, Hanger 88 on the edge of the old RAF Hullavington runway is hard to find in the pitch black of a winter's night. Easier to switch off your engine and listen out for the whine of under-powered Chinese mini-bikes and the screeching from the cheap - but very effective Cheng Shin tyres.
Last weekend my brother sold his BTS I was intending to ride, for £250. Ronald picked one up last night for £280 (the same one maybe?!) which was flying until we decided to venture out from the tiny central ring we set up, onto the much faster perimeter karting circuit and he slammed it into the barrier. Co Built kindy brought along some extra bikes so all 8 of us has plenty of track time. I managed to create an small oil slick after a less spectacular tumble. But what with the make-shift carpet-shoes it soon got mopped up after a few laps. Thanks for organizing it all Anthony.
Next time it would be great to have a few more riders and spend some time setting up a slightly bigger oval. Maybe even make a day of it and add it as a Short Track UK event. BP

Spanner Doily

The consequences of not having an on-site shed, means our kitchen table is taking a battering every time I get my tools out for any DIY or motorcycle maintenance. A handy doily like this crocheted by Nathan Vincent could save me a lot of French polish and domestic agro. BP

Go Pony

No show pony. Lee Peck of the extended CoBuilt clan, has done an amazing job making up one-off axles in EN24T steel + one-off ali spacers and external over-size bearing carriers for my BMW snowflake wheels. Followed by a one-off stem to mate Yamaha R6 Forks to Anthony designed Mk2 CoBuilt yokes. And all at a lightning turn-around of just 3 days. Lanyard will be fitted tomorrow, and cast-off tyres from GI trackside in Wales. Ride 'em cowboy. BP