Guido and Sue - the end?

This time, the hapless perma-nerd Guido might have blown it for good. Anyone familiar with the shenanigans of this pair over the years will know that Sue has tried everything but imprisonment and assault to get into Guido's... affections, but the bloke just can't see the wood for the trees. It's a lesson to us all.

With apologies to original authors and journalists Guido Bettiol and Vic Willoughby, and artist George Domenech. MP

Battery to Battery Charging

This looks useful for race bikes that use small batteries, especially over a longer race meeting, or practice day into a race meeting. I guessing though, because my race bike doesn't have a battery, so it's never a problem for me. G

OptiMate's new DC to DC charger enables the charging of a 12V lead-acid motorcycle battery using a 12V car battery; perfect for race paddocks and in garages and sheds that don’t have an AC power supply. It recovers, charges and maintains any STD, AGM and GEL 12V battery (from 3 – 96Ah), but it doesn’t need to be plugged into the mains. To get charging, hook up the DC to DC to a car or marine/RV deep cycle battery and thanks to OptiMate's Source Battery Protection, it will charge the bike battery without killing the source battery i.e. it shuts off when the voltage drops below 11V. 

The DC to DC’s smart long term maintenance mode extends protection to the bike battery as long as possible, delivering just enough power to protect against parasitic draw from the bike’s system and keep it ready to deliver. And if you forgot to maintain that bike battery, it can save a deep discharged, sulphated battery from as low as 1 Volt. OptiMate DC to DC is totally safe for vehicle electronics, is spark suppressed and will automatically shut-down if short-circuited or the battery is disconnected.

OptiMate DC to DC is priced at £69.99 (including VAT) and comes with everything needed to get charging: 1 x weatherproof battery lead, 1 x standard battery clamp lead, 1 x fused battery clamp lead and a full 3-year warranty.

Beware Chipmunks

After last year's Rye House race, I foresaw that my CCM wasn't going to get much action for the coming year so I took the precaution of draining the fuel and disconnecting the battery. I've been told horror stories of sheds catching fire due to mysterious electrical fires so am not keen on leaving a trickle charger on unattended. if I'm going to do a session in my shed or garden, I just flick it on charge for the day to keep it healthy.
The Rotax 604 engine seems to sump a lot of its oil if not turned over regularly. Mine spat out about 500ml when I tried to fire it up after a year off the job last week. Age-wise it's probably due an oil change but it hasn't seen much action and it's not deathly black, so I just topped it up with fresh. It did some gastronomic gurgles, spluttered, farted then started, for the first few crank ups.
I'm now wise to the short shelf life of modern fuel, but I thought best to crack the carb open and check for gremlins before just filling the tank and returning to Hoddesdon.

The Dell’Orto float bowl was showing the usual signs of light oxidisation. But more alarming was the contents of the big nut on the bottom. It looked like a chipmunk had crumbled a digestive in there.

Odd for a drained system??? After poke about with one of these excellent multi-point picks and a liberal spray of carb cleaner it was good to party.

No speed enhancing miracles have been gifted to man or machine in the past year, but it was good to be back, and I had a lot of fun.

Thanks to Anthony and Anna - and the ever faithful volunteer marshals, for organising another smoooooth DTRA race day. BP

Rock Hard

I hate gadgets, and I'm tight, so the likelihood of me splashing out on a flashy gold designer bicycle pump is NIL. Especially one that sounds like it's named after Mexican royalty. But that's just what's happened...

Steaming down the local highstreet, I could feel that the tyres on my Moulton were on the squiggly side, making the handling even more squirrely than usual. So I pulled into the nearest bicycle shop to blow them up. Factory rated at 100psi, but I rarely achieve that hardness with my own crappy old column pump. I didn't pay attention to the particular brand / model of pump at the shop, but did take special note of the blingy Snap-It™ valve, which made the the process easy and scientifically successful. Rock hard in just a few effortless pumps. Hmm. I keep a miniature donut ring of BluTac on my Presta valves, so as to maintain an airtight seal, but the two-piece (revolvable) screw-on + rubber o-ring of this baby, means none of the usual hissing of air escaping its vocation. And the airline is long enough that you don't need to park right next to it.

Once you've bought a snazzy bike, there is a whole industry dedicated to trying to get you to spend wedge on the latest fad. The next ridiculous size up of MTB wheel, some new outer space developed lycra wear, or an over engineered titanium tool of debatable usefulness (going on a diet will save you much more weight and money). The Birzman Zacoo Maha IV sounds like a serious contender in such a field. But after a boring evening researching column pumps on the internet, many fingers pointed to his royal highness Birz' IV. It turns out he/she is actually of Taiwanese descent. None of my four pumps - at least one of them manufactured by a reputable brand, do what they are meant to do. And the local garage now charges for the use of its airline, so I thought what the hell, lets go crazy. The Snap-It™ is also Schrader valve compatible, so it should be able to pump up my motorbike tyres too.

Evans Cylces have a great deal on at the moment. The Birz' IV is £24 inc delivery - not a stupid amount of money when its RRP is £37.

The pressure gauge goes all the way up to an eye watering 160psi - what vehicles have tyres that hard?! So my only gripe would be that the dial is not set with more increments lower down the scale, which would be really useful for a flat track motorcycle where you are around the 20psi mark, and a few poofs either way are critical. The Snap-It™ does have a blow-off button for deflating (without having to remove it from the tyre), but you would still need to take it off to use a proper tyre gauge for more accurate low readings.

Birzman Zacoo Maha IV had absolutely no problem of making short work of my flat CCM tyre. Or the saggy Space Hopper in the garden (theres a screw-on adaptor for that and footballs included). I might have go out and pump up the tyres of all the cars parked on my street. Just for fun. BP

Anglo-American

I inherited some tools over the summer, all sorts, but these two go well together, a Transatlantic brutal twosome, damaging in the wrong hands. Pre-Irwin Vise Grip, made by Petersen in DeWitt, Nebraska (patented in 1924, the British Mole version didn't appear until more than 30 years later). King Dick adjustable made in Birmingham, England. King Dick (settle down at the back) started off as The Abingdon Works Co. in the mid-19th century and over the years built various single and V-twin motorcycles and engines under the Abingdon and King Dick names until the early 1930s. MP

Cable Oiler

What a brilliant invention. Every tool kit needs one.

Insert lethargic clutch / throttle / wire-pull brake cable into the rubber section of the clamp-block. One side of the rubber has a wide opening to accept the thickness of the cable outer. push it all the way in - usually to the depth of the chrome end section.

the other side of the rubber clamps tightly down onto the wire once you tighten down the knurled locking screw.

insert the thin pipe attachment of preferred can of WD40 / PTFE / silicon spray into small hole in rubber. Fill that parched cable with a few good bursts.

The oldfashioned way is to hang your cables up by the nipple and then drizzle 3-in-1 oil down the wire, but it's snails pace laborious. This little gizmo gets much better penetration and instantly. BP

Iron and steel

Funny how things can pan out. A few weeks back, my wife found this knife in the street. It had clearly been lying there for a while and with no houses or shops nearby, she brought it home and I cleaned it up. It seems it was a promotional freebie, originally in a leather pouch and probably from the 1950s. I've seen others online stamped with Bayer and also made by Walter Kayser in Solingen, Germany, a town with a long history of blade making, the Sheffield of the Rhineland.

And this is Adolf Weil, a son of Solingen and known as the Iron Man thanks to his long career in motocross, most of which was spent as a Maico works rider, in fact the AW400 he's riding here in 1976 bears his initials. He won 14 national championships and three times came third in the 500cc world championships. At the age of 34 he won the Trans-AMA title. Adolf died in 2011, but the bike shop he set up in his home town when he retired from racing in 1977 is still run by his sons Frank and Jürgen. MP

Red Clouds Tool Rolls and GOODbook iPhone Covers

 

 

 

 

The last order of Red Clouds theGOODbook iPhone covers (below) sold out in a blink, so we got hold of a few more.

We also ordered these great waxed cotton and leather Coffin Tool Rolls.

We're the only stockist in Europe of Red Clouds Collective goods. They're handmade in Portland, USA. The tool rolls we have are Olive in colour (see the colour chart, which is more accurate than the product shots).

Details
Coffin Tool Roll designed by Owen Johnson and part of his Signature Series.
£50 plus post
10.10oz waxed canvas
Olive with brown leather
Pocket with YKK brass zipper
Multiple pencil and tool pockets
Leather features
Note: tools not included.
Handcrafted in Portland, Oregon USA.

Go to the Sideburn webshop to see more.

BluTack-Ometer

Every half decent tool kit should include a Vernier gauge, but just as useful is a BluTack-ometer.
The steering wheel on my (otherwise) trusty Citroën Berlingo became loose, but I've been too busy to sort it. Just prior to picking up my mother-in-law from the airport this morning seemed like a good time. Modern vehicles are so over designed, even the simplest of service tasks can be very complicated. Add the possibility of an exploding airbag into the equation and things could become quite comedical. But not more so than a self-detaching a steering wheel mid-corner. A quick Google informed me of slightly more professional people who had broken noses on the job, so my woe-ometer was already red lining before I started.

Step 1) disconnect battery. 2) wait twenty minutes (apparently air bags can hold a charge for several minutes). 3) insert screwdriver into small hole (three of) on reverse of steering wheel housing to flex back sprung wire retaining clip of airbag.

(you will not see the view shown in above photo unless you are a dashboard mite with a head-torch (I took this photo after the event for clarity). 4) un-clip right side electrical collector block. 5) gently prise out airbag unit.

6) tighten central bolt.

- But you don't know what size it is?
So take a lump of BluTac. Kneed it until soft and then press firmly into the Torx bolt centre to make a male impression.

Walk to you local tool shop for an appraisal - careful not to sqidge your small sculpture en route .
I needed a T50 socket. With a dribble of Loctite 243 on the thread of the removed bolt (which was frighteningly only finger-tight), I then torqued it back up on the splines.
Mother-in-law was not impressed with my dirty dungarees. BP

Venhill Safety Wire Pliers

I've gone to UK company Venhill for cables and brake hoses for my last six bikes. They offer a great service, making up silky smooth custom length cables or just supplying replacements for stock bikes. I've just fitted one of their 888 quick action throttles to the Black Arrow too.

Now that Venhill sell safety wire pliers, I love them even more. G

Every Biker Needs

Guido and Sue - Sue's Slack

Sue has taken the opportunity to get Guido on his own, clearly with a view to seduction, but as ever, Guido is blind to it all. I mean, who could fail to see the symbolism in Sue's firm grip and lever frottage, explicit references to free play and excess slack and her feigned inability to control the situation. Come on Guido! Check her nipples, get some lube down there and twiddle that adjuster.
As culled from 'Motorcycles. Maintain Your Own Machine' (1977) by top journalists Guido Bettiol and Vic Willoughby, with artwork by George Domenech. MP

Watch it! He's got a blade

A year or so ago, I had an urge - springtime and all that - to up my machismo and start wielding a proper razor. OK, not an open cut-throat, there are limits (mind you, I'd like a go with one, but perhaps that's just the ted in me).

I'd never shaved with anything other than a cartridge head thing, if that's even what they're called. You get charged a fortune for a bubble pack of plasticky bobbins each with two, no three, no twelve blades. Yeah, right. I got fed up with the marketing shite and the fact that I was needlessly chucking plastic into landfill, and that my only bit of 'grooming' was based around this freakish bit of twoddle apparently designed by some bloke still obsessed with Star Wars.

So, a quick mooch around the web for ideas and recommendations, not least at Badger & Blade, a site I soon realised is the home of the world's shaving obsessives and fetishists, and I opted for this beauty. It's a DE89 made in Sheffield, England by Edwin Jagger and just picking the thing up is a joy, a weighty tool that feels like it'll last into the next century. It took a bit of getting used to, not furnished with a swanky swivel head and having more heft than a piece of wet celery, and it would have been ironic if a face forever disfigured by cack-handed early efforts would need to be covered for the rest of my life by an extensive beard, but it was a bloodless coup.

And the price of this hi-chrome dominator? A bit over twenty quid. MP

Guido and Sue - Morning Glory

Guido and Sue are back, and once again, despite hot-trotting Sue's utterly unambiguous come-ons, poor old clueless Guido runs absolutely no risk of overheating or seizure.
As culled from 'Motorcycles. Maintain Your Own Machine' (1977) by top journalists Guido Bettiol and Vic Willoughby, with artwork by George Domenech. MP

Toolbox

I love spotting Sideburn stickers on the trawl around the blogs. This is from Baron73.
Remember, every order made with us gets a free sticker, whichever is current at the time. G

Did You Know?

(Duh I didn't until today) If you use your bike less than every 3 months, the battery plates will begin to Sulphate and it's capacity to hold charge will deteriorate. To combat this you should use a trickle charger - mine here is a cheapo from Maypole. Plugged into the mains it gives a 12Volt 500mA output, with a 800mA maximum current.
You can leave it clipped on to your battery in situ, on the bike (presuming it sleeps in a garage) and it will cut out when it's had it's fill. (With my now deceased battery, the little red warning light on the charger only came on briefly before going out when plugged in. This was a warning I didn't appreciate that it wasn't holding its charge).Previously I'd only ever used this beefy Ferm charger once a year if my battery was dozy usually come winter. It says 12V 6A so I always presumed (wrongly) it was fine for the likes of my CCM battery which is 12V 8A. But designed for car batteries with a much higher cranking Amps, it's way to Frankenstein for a small bike battery, and if you leave it on it will start to fry the battery - so I've been killing my batteries in their sleep rather than resuscitating them. BPDoes electricity completely baffle you? Do you look at wiring diagrams and trip your brain cells? All the answers to life's mysteries are covered in this magical book by Arthur C. Clarke

Loveless HQ

My day job converged with Sideburn's blog universe when I went to Loveless HQ to meet Tim and Dave for Performance Bikes. PB are running a series of features on people's interesting garages or workshops.

The very next night this big-bore Sporty was torn down for a full rebuild. Check out the progress at Loveless Engineering.

And read about Loveless's garage wisdom and advice in this month's PB on sale now.

If you're in the UK and have a worthy garage you'd like featuring in PB, drop me an email, please.
Tim's beautiful MZ 250 racer. #51, the age he was when he did his very first motorcycle race. So, all you people who keep telling me you wish short track racing had started in the UK ten years ago, just man up and do it.

Cat got your tongue? Loveless Tim and me. He's a top fella: black belt in something, football fan, punk rocker, bike racer, dad, husband, dog walker and top bike fettler.

Dear Santa...

Can Gun: Never seen this genius invention before I spotted it in CFM HQ the other day.

Running repairs

As casual as someone stubbing out their cigarette with their boot heel, my mother-in-law stood on my expensive Cutler And Gross specs, breaking them in 6 places. They had been trainspotted with get-me-home bodges in the past using paper clips and Band-Aids, but the wicked witch did her darndest to kill them proper.
Last summer I bought these old Polaroids as a cheap replacement, from the most excellent GDE Jongejans, on the Noorderkerkstraat Amsterdam. The shop is hardly ever open but I struck lucky. Anyway butterfingers dropped them a few weeks ago, breaking one corner of the top rail. The optician must have heated up the frame a lot to get the lenses in, as when I tried to Superglue them back together (unheated) there was a 2mm gap. Superglue is only good for sticking your fingers together with anyway. So I lightly filed down the edges of the plastic lens (lighter and shatterproof for biking), Araldite epoxy glued together, drilled a 1mm hole through the middle into the nose, then broke off the drill bit (on purpose) to act as a pin. A dob of brown Sharpie marker pen to colour in the glue; to match the tortoise shell. And away we go. BP

Running Adjustments

Correct me if I'm wrong, I think this is 1932, Jimmy Simpson fettling his 500 Norton International Model 30 - judging from the architecture and the Shell sign, in Sweden or Norway???

My multi-adjustable Laverda Jota bars (then fitted to my Guzzi) once came loose ridding the big dipper of Paddock Hill, Brands Hatch. While still on the move my index finger had to double up as a 10mm Allen key. BP